If the Presidential Candidates Had Playlists

This election season has been one hell of a ride. I don’t think anyone could have predicted the shenanigans that have taken place. To take your mind off of the chaos, I came up with playlists tailored to each main candidate (except Kasich, because who the hell knows anything about him really). Listen at your leisure while watching the primary results roll in and the heads of news pundits sequentially explode.

Hillary Clinton

  • I’m Just a Girl – No Doubt
    • Some say Hillary likes to play the “lady” card, or maybe women just have more to fight for.
  • Confident – Demi Lovato
    • One thing is obvious, this power suit diva has bigger balls than the men joining her on stage.
  • Hard Out Here – Lily Allen
    • If any woman knows how hard it is to be successful in a world ruled by the patriarchy it’s Hillary.

Bernie Sanders

  • Survivor – Destiny’s Child
    • Say what you will about Bernie’s chances of winning the nomination, but you can’t deny his tenacity and ability to overcome the odds.
  • Taxman – The Beatles
    • Bernie doesn’t shy away from his love of taxes, for the wealthy.
  • Imagine – John Lennon
    • You can call him a dreamer (for his policies), but he’s not the only one. He’s asking for a revolution and the people are answering.

Donald Trump

  • Gold Digger ft Jamie Foxx – Kanye West
    • We get it Donald, you have a lot of money it really isn’t necessary to mention it every time you speak.
  • Billionaire ft Bruno Mars – Travie McCoy
    • Trump is doing exactly what he would do as a billionaire, run for President.
  • Blurred Lines – Robin Thicke
    • If there is one thing Trump excels at its objectifying women. From Megyn Kelly to his own daughter, it’s a rare woman that encounters Donald and comes out unscathed.

Ted Cruz

  • Riders on the Storm – The Doors
    • This song is loosely based on the Zodiac Killer, and we all know there is a fairly reasonable chance Ted Cruz could be the infamous serial killer. At the very least he hasn’t denied the claim.
  • You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch – written Dr. Seuss and performed by Thurl Ravenscroft
    • Ted Cruz has as good of chance of winning a popularity contest as Mr. Grinch himself, even his own children can’t stand him! Plus, I’m pretty sure he said his first order of business will be to take away Christmas. One thing is for sure, I wouldn’t touch him with a thirty-nine and half foot long pole.

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